


Long Way Back

by glackedandmullered



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: cancer warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 21:05:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1662404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glackedandmullered/pseuds/glackedandmullered
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cancer recovery prompt on tumblr</p>
            </blockquote>





	Long Way Back

**Author's Note:**

> AHOT6 Ray cancer recovery fic. for mymind2015 on tumblr

The worst thing wasn’t the weakness, the head rushes or the inability to just get up in the middle of the night to pee without the aid of a crutch. No, the worst thing was the fear that it was going to come back.

Leukemia. Ray had been understandably devastated when, after months of tests and scans, visits to the hospital and nights lying awake unable to sleep due to the gnawing worry in his gut, he had been given the results. Damn near collapsed right there in the hospital and the receptionist had to call Jack to pick him up because he couldn’t stand being alone for more than a minute longer. The revelation that this was real and happening hit everyone hard, they took days off work, wallowing in pity together before Ray finally stood up and told them all that if this was his life now, he wasn’t going to waste it. He threw himself into work, balancing it between hospital appointments even as he got weaker and weaker, the chemo they forced him to start coursing through his veins like fire, burning him up from the inside out. His boyfriends stayed by him, making excuses when he didn’t want to admit that he was too damn sick to record anything, or when he needed to disappear for an hour just to contemplate what his life had become. They spent every moment with him, knowing that, if this did come to an abrupt end, they couldn’t waste a single moment.

For the most part Ray was okay, he was strong. Though one night they returned, having sent Ray home for a rest earlier in the day, to find him flat on his back drunk off his ass and slurring about wishing he could go back to normal. They cleaned him up, put him to bed and took turns through the night making sure it didn’t have any adverse effects because of all the medication he was on; but the morning came and all he had was the hangover from hell and a head full of regrets.

“I just wanted to try it one time.” He whispered with his head stuck over the toilet bowl, Michael’s hand carding slowly through his damp curls, a position he knew all too well by this point. That phrase struck the guys deep in their souls, it sounded like he was giving up.

He denied it of course, he told them he wasn’t throwing in the towel, he was simply preparing for the inevitable. The chemo wasn’t working as well as it could and all the doctors were telling him it may be time to start considering that this wasn’t going to end happily.

In the end it was his fans that brought him out of his funk. The cards and letters, the sheer volume of messages filled with support and love that propelled Ray back to wanting the fight. Even though he was weaker than he had ever been, close to collapse at any moment with no appetite, and had been suffering the most horrendous nosebleeds for weeks, for the first time in months he attended his appointments with his head held high and as much spring in his step as he could manage on his jelly legs.

Ultimately, that was what saved him.

At least that’s what they liked to think.

When the chemo took a turn, his white cell count plummeted to a near normal level, and his tests were coming back better and better every day. All leading up to that moment when his doctor looked him in the eye, with his boyfriends right there beside him, and said the word Ray had been praying for since the day this all started. Remission.

From then it was all up and up. His hair, that had slowly shed over the duration of his treatment until he had finally told Ryan just to shave it all off, was growing back in baby fine tufts, not as thick as he once had but it was coming in even across his whole head which he was grateful for. He started getting his appetite back gradually, going from a bite of something he would throw up ten minutes later, to a whole pot of yoghurt that stayed down until he went to the bathroom, successfully throwing his hands in the air and announcing “I pooped it out!” to the other occupants of the house. In any other circumstance it would have been the least exciting thing in the world but to them? To them it was progress they never expected to see.

None of them would have admitted it to Ray, but at some point they all lost a little hope, and seeing the smile creep back onto the youngest boys lips, seeing the colour back in his cheeks when he laughed, it was all heaven to them.

Eventually when he jumped back into videos, suddenly with no warning, the comments flooded in fast.

_We missed you._

_Looking good._

_Happy you didn’t die, dude._

He made a sappy video, one he would completely regret and yet completely not at the same time, thanking his fans for everything, for effectively pulling him out of the darkness and saving his life. While his mental state calmed down sooner than he would have imagined, his physical stamina returned slower than he hoped for, spending months having to nap on the couch when it got too much, and weeks after that needing help to walk any sort of distance, even just from one end of the building to the other. It was a slow and painful process, the fear creeping up on him, especially at night, that remission didn’t mean cured. He had nightmares, fear filled dreams of bleeding out or collapsing in the street with no one around, always waking up in a heavy sweat with one or all of his boyfriends soothing him through his tears.

All in all, this experience had been the worst of his life, but he had overcome it pretty quickly, it was 18 months from start to, hopefully, finish. It had felt like a lifetime, but they kept reminding him, he still had a life time left.

A lifetime he was determined to complete.


End file.
